Hi! I am Mr. Tasteful. Janna has asked me to lend my expertise to her site. I have made it my personal mission to review the movies I see with integrity. I suppose, only you can be the true judge of that. Let's get going shall we?
Shallow Hal
So, I picked up this bitch on the corner and told her if she didn't get in the fucking car and go on a date with me, I would punch her. She agreed of course. How could she not? I'm one fly motherfucker. She asked what we were doing, to which I replied by shoving her head in my crotch. "That's just a preview baby!" I said. She seemed all right with that. We pulled into the movie theatre parking lot and I finally let her know what we were doing. "I'm going to see Shallow Hal while you give me head."
I bought myself some popcorn and soda and we sat down in the very back. I don't really remember what happened for the next hour and a half, because I was on crack at the time. I do remember being confused by this movie. I couldn't figure out why the hell that guy would date that fat girl. My bitch was hot, and she kept orally servicing me while I stared blankly at the screen. The most confusing thing about this whole movie was the fact that the guy didn't seem to notice how fat this girl was. He kept imagining that she looked like Gwyneth Paltrow. Which I guess I could understand. I kept imagining that my bitch was Traci Lords. Hot or not, if she were Traci Lords I wouldn't have been seeing this shitty movie. I'd be bending her over the hood of my car. Anyway, so basically this guy only bangs hot chicks and so some queer comes along and makes it so he can't tell that ugly girls are ugly. That's such a shitty thing to do to a guy. I'm sure I should've learned a lesson from this or something. I think the only thing I learned was that if you have a girl going down on you, there is nowhere to set your popcorn except on the floor. The problem with that is it's a pain in the proverbial ass to have to bend down to pick it up. It makes the bitch stop. I don't know. I guess if you want to see this movie, see it. Just make sure you bring a hottie with you. Like I said, I don't really remember the movie, so you know..whatever.
Well, there you go my friends. I hope I provided you with an insightful review.
Movie: thumbs down.
Felatio: thumbs up.
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